he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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