Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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