Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Mom said you looked used
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
