They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize