I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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