I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
