At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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