Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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