No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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