i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
