you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
