i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
