I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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