I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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