OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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