Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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