I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize