Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
