Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
