sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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