i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize