I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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