I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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