Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
