this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
