my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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