so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
