We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
