I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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