you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
