Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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