my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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