I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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