ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
