Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
