I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
