I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
