i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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