I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
