Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
