that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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