Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
