How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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