Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
