I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
