Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
