i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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