so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
