I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Pants are for mortals
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize