Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize