if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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