im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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