put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
