duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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