Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize