I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
