Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
