The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
