WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
