the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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