you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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