Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
