Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize