I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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