At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
